I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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