is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
