areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
