Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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