im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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