I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
