I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
