phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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