Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
