I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
