The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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