I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
