My friends, they love my intelligence
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Randomize