3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
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