I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
