so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
