doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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