Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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