Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
