I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
