Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
