bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
