I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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