bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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