Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
40s are totally the cure
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
