..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
