saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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