like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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