I can't breathe out the right side of my face
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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