I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize