hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
He did a backflip because drugs
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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