He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
