The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
