But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize