I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
