im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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