i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
