I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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