I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
