..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
you never un-have a 4some
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
