He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
