where am i from again
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
