I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
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