I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
