I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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