i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
