Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
