he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
