I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize