I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
