Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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