Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
