Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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