The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
