My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
