Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I touched a dick in church today
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
