I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
