I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
It's never too late to be topless.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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