i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
