If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
