Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
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