he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
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