Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
In other news, I just burned my penis
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
