Having a random hookup so left but love u
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Randomize
