I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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