im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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