I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
