hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
